Rickrolled or Steamrolled?

The Choo-choo Express lacked no steam this season (starting or ending it). Acting like a runaway train barreling uncontrollably downhill, they flattened any team that got in their path (the Bulls being the exception as they handed the Pain Train their only series loss this season); not even Denzel Washington could stop this one. They kicked off season 17 with a 4-1 series win over those dastardly bandits the Outlaws, and would not lose a single game until week 5 against the Rhinos, but even that was a 4-1 victory in favor of the Express. It caught the eyes and attention of everyone in the AL because who in their right mind would want to go up against a 20-ton machine that bowled over every opponent they faced? Certainly not this writer, but my fears have come true as the season has ended and all the playoff spots have been decided. 

The Elite squeaked into this season’s doubles playoffs with a modest 27-23 record, winning the tiebreaker against the Ducks. With that in mind, Elite landed the 4th seed in the west super division, pitting them (or us, rather) against the red-hot Express in the first round of playoffs. Not to say that this is a David vs Goliath story, but the odds do seem to be in favor of the 38-12 Express. Winning nearly 40 games in a season, while sporting a rotating roster, speaks volumes about their depth and skill. They can play any line-up and win. I don’t care who you are, that is tough to beat. 

But let’s not go off the rails just yet. In the final two matches of the season, the Elite squad did manage to post 4-1 series wins against the Dodgers and Demolition (we don’t need to talk about weeks 7-8 that saw Elite go 1-4). So, this team is certainly capable of meeting the task. The question remains: will they? Will the Express be able to defend their doubles season 16 championship and pull off the repeat? Time will tell. Sports history is full of stories where teams dominate the regular season, but then cannot deliver the goods come postseason. I would provide some examples, but I’m being told it’s better to be safe than to be sorry. Suffice it to say that the list is a long one.

The question is: will the Express fall into the land of what-could-have-beens? Or will they prove to all that there is no Rick Astley cut-away meme here and win it all? Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen, because it’s about to get spicy. Honorable mention to the Comets for posting a 34-16 record. Weeks 4, 7, and 8 saw them post perfect sweeps of 5-0 against their opponents. They finished just 4 games behind the Express for the best record in AL doubles. And that’s another team added to the list of players I do not wish to face in the postseason. 

Bulls in China Shops and Other Fun Creatures

While there is no stopping a runaway train, the same could be said for the Bulls. Raging through their season and smashing everyone to bits like so many dishes of fine China, they clinched, not only their division but secured the best record in the AL when it comes to standard play (36-14, next closest was Elite, Pandas, and Lightning at 30-20). Much like the Express, the Bulls trampled their enemies into the dirt in weeks 3, 5, 7, and 8 with clean sweeps of those series which left the rest of the AL shaking in their wake. Now, the perfect nightcap would be the standard AL championship… Do the Bulls have what it takes to charge through the postseason and claim what’s theirs? Or will defending season 16 AL standard champs Elite block their path? 

We can’t call this a ‘review’ without talking about a few other teams (Shadow I’m lookin’ at you). While Shadow may not have had the bombastic start to the season or results that the 2s Express team had, they certainly emphasized their playoff ticket stamp. Winning weeks 9 and 10 with 5-0 sweeps. Talk about clinching a playoff berth dramatically, eh? And, really, who saw that coming? THEY WERE IN THE SHADOWS! Ah ha! Captain Kslr certainly had his work cut out for him.

I mentioned the Comets briefly, and that’s not fair. They were every bit as good as 1st place Express. However, week 10 saw them drop a tough 0-5 against Spectre, and week 9 saw a 2-3 loss to Wizards. Is the Comets’ tail all flash and no spark? Will it run out of gas and burn up into nothing before they make it to the end? 7 other teams will make sure that it does, bet your bottom dollar on that. 

Perhaps the scoreboard didn’t explode with 5-0s, or Brazils or Barcelonas, but that doesn’t mean getting into the playoffs was any less exciting. Between the middle of the pack teams, it was a knockdown, drag em’ out, slobber knocker of a fight. Sabres (26-24) clinched their Arctic division by barely edging out the Foxes (who still managed to make the playoffs at a .500 record). 

Foxes weren’t the only ones waiting on the final results a few days after the last matches were played. Among them were the 25-25 Spectre, and the 27-23 Ducks (I know! It’s crazy that a 27-23 record isn’t an automatic punch to your postseason dreams, but I digress). It was a close call, though, as the sweat rolled in beads down those long bills of theirs, guaranteed, as it came down to a tiebreaker with the Hawks. The Ducks won the tiebreaker by winning their head-to-head match-up. So the next time someone tells you “It’s okay we lost the series 3-2, we’ll get em’ next time.” Slap them. Ok, maybe not resort to violence, but tell them that we play all 5 games here at MLE, and all 5 games matter. 

It’s also crazy that the Pandas don’t win their division at 30-20, but they have the unfortunate luck of basking in the same Sun as the Bulls, and we already talked about what kind of destruction they can bring. Knights were able to squeeze by rather sneakily (despite the heavy armor) and FORGE their way to victory and the postseason at 26-24, while the rugged Outlaws were able to steer clear of the tracks that Express train is on and take 2nd place in their division. 

We also can’t forget about those car sharks. No. Not ‘card’ sharks, CAR Sharks… as in the Rocket League team… Y’know what… forget it. In all seriousness, Sharks proved their bite was much worse than their bark (how do you know sharks don’t bark?), and they chomped up the competition, posting a very nice 28-22 record which was just enough to beat out the Ducks in the Tropic division. 

All in all, the season was a fantastic one, and I certainly had a lot of fun playing in it. It was full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and insane matches that will go down in the annals of MLE history. As I wrap this up, our editors wanted us to predict playoff winners and the like. I’m not going to do that. Anyone who has ever heard me cast a match for their team knows that as soon as I open my mouth, I hex someone. I’m not going to be held responsible for the premature end of someone’s season. Instead, I wanted to touch on as many teams as I could. Also, I don’t want my prediction to age like milk, thank you. 

In all seriousness, though, I want to thank everyone involved in the MLE, from the players to the people behind the scenes, for making this organization what it is. I would also like to wish all of the teams who made it to the postseason luck, and don’t forget to have some fun out there!

*Update: Okay. So, maybe Sharks don’t bark after all, and their bite wasn’t enough either. On the contrary, the Pandas are the first AL team to advance to the quarter-finals, winning the series 3-1. A truly stellar performance from Dragoneyes as they posted a 71.39 Sprocket rating! A whopping 17 points over 2nd star Hungi (54.28) and 18 points over 3rd star Clifford (53.33). The Sharks’ 17 saves weren’t enough against an onslaught of shots (36) by the Pandas. It was a valiant effort, but all good things must come to an end, much like the Sharks’ post-season dreams of glory. Final thought: If the Pandas continue to play like that? Good luck everybody else!

*Update 2: The Bears were able to withstand the heat brought on by the Flames, clean sweeping the series 3-0. I’m not sure what game resulted in a complete Goomba stomp of 10-2, but holy cow, that’s impressive! My heart goes out to the Flames, we’ve all been there before, and you’re not alone. Patchy and Sixt were within 1 point of each other in Sprocket ratings (65.78 and 64.67 respectively), slamming the Bears with 29 shots while the Flames answered back with only 18. This series also saw Kyoko come in for a game to try and turn things around, but it was too late. Much like the Sharks, their hopes of capturing an AL Championship were dashed and went up in smoke like a 5-alarm fire. Who will be next to fall? Who will be next to advance?

*Update 3: And so it goes, the Elite’s standard team have been eliminated from the playoffs, dropping a heartbreaking loss to the Outlaws who’ve completed the reverse sweep. The Elite took the early series lead 2-0, but a Brazil in game 3 in favor of the Outlaws saw the defending Standard Champs stumble and fall. It was a huge blow to the confidence and mentals, one that the team of DK, Atomic, and yours truly could not recover. ItzSmalls led the charge with a 64.02 Sprocket rating, Cheeto posted a 56.2, Granticus posted 54.17. Ninji started the game but was subbed out following the completion of game 1 after a request to change the snowy Beckwith park map selected by home team Elite was made. Elite won game 2, but in typical Outlaw bad guy fashion, they came back and stole the series in an intense game 5 OT. I will say that game 5 OT was forced by a last second effort to tie the game with a goal from Atomic after Onyx dribbled the ball around several defenders and got the pass off the backboard to a pre-jumping, pre-flipping Atomic. Dramatic for sure… but it wasn’t enough after Onyx got caught out of position after a wall shot from Cheeto that beat the last defender for the series clinching goal. 

Personally, I could not have gotten out of that lobby fast enough. I stayed just long enough to say “ggs and gl in the playoffs,” but after that? I was outtie 5,000. A big congratulations to the Outlaws for completing the reverse sweep comeback (much like the Elite did against the Flames in season 16). If you’re the Flames, it’s got to feel good to see that sweet poetic justice being served on a cold dish.